my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
