Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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