why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
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