whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
