I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Randomize