let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
