she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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