but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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