isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
