Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Randomize
