Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
