The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
how drunk are you?
Several
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
