Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
my being single is dangerous.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
