I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Holy sore nipples Batman
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
