i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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