So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
