i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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