I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
