he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
