I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
either way he was missing a nipple.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
