the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
