Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
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