I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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