My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
The struggles of a small town man whore
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
