4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
