I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I smell like Dick and happiness
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