my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
