Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
