angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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