can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Randomize
