Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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