I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
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