Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
