U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
