my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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