Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
