i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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