is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
