I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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