I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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