so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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