to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
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