It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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