just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
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