You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
