i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I just gargled with NyQuil
Randomize
