Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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