I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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