you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
