Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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