He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
