Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
