I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
