i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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