I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
