She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
