After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
