Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
