So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
