Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
