FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
