you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
