My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
