One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
