if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
This girl is more easily done than said...
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Randomize
