i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
