Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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