He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
