Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Randomize
