im gay
i know
yea but for you.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
