I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
