I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I just forgot I was standing up.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize