she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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