i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
