Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
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