My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Randomize
