sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
