I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
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