Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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