So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
