when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
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