I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
