got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
